Quick Hitter: Tartar Research

So, I actually put this entry in my calendar:


Go to IGA with Pen and Paper to do Tartar research



And I followed those instructions from myself. I must have looked like some official Tartar Inspector standing in that aisle with my notes.

Note Translation - Verbatim:

- Not as many brands avail. as previously thought

- Heinz - Est. 1869 "New Great Taste"

- KRAFT - Easy Squeeze!

- Beaver Brand

Cute Beaver Picture!

AWARD WINNING!

This Week in Tartar History

Sometimes, the news related to Tartar Sauce is not always sunny. Sometimes, its downright depressing.

This week in Tartar sauce History:

On November 22, 1963, JFK was killed by the sauce. He ate a Fried Catfish with coleslaw and Tartar Sauce lunch, and it reacted with his insides in an unpredicted way, leading to his slow and agonizing death later that day.

Further Trivia: In an unrelated event, he was also shot in the head twice while riding in a presidential motorcade later that afternoon.

Truly a sad week in Tartar Sauce history, but a stark reminder to be very careful with the substance in your own everyday use.

Currently Listening to: Billy Joel - "We Didn't Start the Fire"

(JFK Tartar slayed, what else do I have to say?)

Tartar Facts.

So, I found out my lardo dick friend Wikipedia was full of lies. Just pure made up fibs, I hear. So, to get the real Tartar Sauce facts, I turned to my good old reliable gay friend, Google.

Here's what he told me:

1.) Dijon Mustard is often used as an emulsifier. I'm not sure what "emulsify" means, but I think it was whatever happened to Mel Gibson in that agreeable face scarring film.

2.) It is frequently used to flavour fried seafood dishes. This is great news for anyone who has currently been flavouring their seafood dishes with salamander eggs. Make the switch!

3.) Vinegar can be added for a sharper flavour. Let's see Chunkapedia come up with a fact like that. Hmmm? No? Nothing? I thought so.

On a personal note it seems that this blog is blowing up faster than Sahid Hadas Mohammed (inside joke), as it has been featured on some real popular sites. I mean, its getting more action than Soulja Boy Tell 'Em's shriveled up penis.

I mean, that his last name apparently. Tell 'Em. Full name: Souljah Boy Tell 'Em. That's an Abbott and Costello routine waiting to happen:

Abbott: What did you say his name was?

Costello: Souljah Boy Tell 'Em.

Abbott: Tell him what?

Costello: No. His name is Souljah Boy Tell 'Em.

Abbott: Tell him his name? Souljah Boy?

Costello: No! THAT is his name.

Abbott: His name is THAT?

Costello: No! Souljah Boy Tell 'Em.

Abbott: Tell him what!

And so on, and so forth. You understand how these two cavemen of comedy would go on.

But the site really is getting huge, honest and for truly,

its been featured on CNN: [LINK BROKEN]

and NBC NEWS: [BROKEN LINK]

and the Bangs Salon blog: bangssalon.ca/blog/

Collar!

I don't know what that means, Collar! But I hear a lot of hip hop singers say it, so, I'll say it too:

"Collar!"

Currently Listening to: Lou Bega - "Mambo No. 5"

(Though, I personally feel the Mambo reached its pinnacle at No. 3)

Tartar Sauce - Nectar of the Gods.

So, last night I was having dinner and conversation with my friends about blogs. I just nodded along, as if I knew what a blog was. "What the heck was a blog, I thought", but I had to keep nodding to seem up on things. Was it this thing?

It was later explained to me that a blog is like a computer diary for people with no lives, so I was in!

Now what to blog about. We were at my favorite eatery, and I was enjoying some tartar sauce...,

TARTAR BLOG! It hit me like Ike Turner.

I was informed that Tartar Sauce was made with Relish. I thought it was pickles. I was then informed that relish was made of pickles! You can't make this stuff up. Don't pretend you knew that already, you can't act as good as Jaleel White.

The name Tartar was derived from TaunTaun and JarJar Binks. Its true! Look it up on Wikipedia, that overweight bastard never lies.

Well, now, take my hand as we journey together through the labrynth that is Tartar Sauce, and I will keep you abreast of all the latest news (Example: Don't use it as Deodorant). Now, with this blog, I might be as cool as the two guys voted this year as GQ's TOP TWO COOL GUYS OF 2009 - Mario Lemieux and Papa Smurf.

Welcome home.

Currently listening to: Justin Bieber - "My World"

(They shut down a street for that kid!)